9:47am: It ain't over till...oh, it's over?
GAME RECAP- TUES. 5/14: TWI-NIGHT DOUBLE-HEADER: MO'S AMIGOS grappled with adversity in numerous guises this wind- and rain-swept night beneath the flourescent glare of truth and the lead-based echo of yesterlore. The sea was angry that day, my friend...wait, that's Seinfeld. Okay, here's the skinny:
PILGRIM: Er...we lost.
IDIOT: But you had a double-header; Shirley you fared better in the nightcap?
PILGRIM: We did, we struck out a lot and got beat quicker. (And don't call me surely.)
DOG: Arf!
SLICE: Details, details, my friend; the glue is in the details!
PILGRIM: The glue was in our batting gloves, last night. We didn't hit our weight.
DOG: Arf!
PILGRIM: We couldn't hit the ocean if we were standing on the beach.
BARNES: Well, we've had a drought, the tides are down.
SLICE: The sea was angry that day, my friends.
IDIOT: That's Seinfeld.
SLICE: Oh, right you are...
DOG: Arf!
IDIOT: But what about your pitcher extrodinaire, what's his name, Chrissie Evert?
PILGRIM: No, that's the ex-quarterback for the Rams. Knocked Jim Rome on his keister for saying that once too often, though, so you might want to keep it down. And if you are suggesting the adverse conditions may somehow have deterred our champior hurler from the fray, you are sadly mistaken. (Word up: he had to work.)
IDIOT: Oh, sorry 'bout that.
PILGRIM: Yes, well, it was unfortunate. Totally different game with him in there chucking low line-drive strikes at the knees. We call him "Whiff."
BARNES: All the strikeouts?
PILGRIM: Well, that too. But if you stood near him after two beers and a cheesesteak hoagie you would understand.
DOG: Arf!
SLICE: Oh, look who's barking. Must be you haven't sampled any of your own ungodly emanations, lately.
DOG: (Hey, lay off, I'm a dog for chrissakes. You feed me shit, I'm gonna smell like shit...)
PILGRIM: Anyway, the Scentsational Shoppe (for thus was our opponent named) came at us in the first game with some old geezer of a pitcher. But in the pregame warmups he was windmilling like a stadium vendor flipping peanuts to the riffraff in the upper deck. He came out for the first inning and the modified windup slowed his delivery somewhat, and we were able to bang out some hits, and runs. Problem was, they figured out our own pitcher pretty quick, too, and some of them must be sporting some pretty ugly black-and-blues this morning.
BARNES: You mean he hit them?
PILGRIM: Hell no. I'm talking about their shoulders.
SCOOBY: ('Rink aRout it...)
SLICE: Oh, sweet jesus, now we have to decipher Scooby-speak?
PILGRIM: Yes, our old friend Matthew Lillard (Mo's waiter in the early '90s before hitting the big time in Serial Mom, Hackers, Scream (as the killer!), etc., the list goes on, is playing Shaggy in the forthcoming Warner Bros. Scooby-Do, also starring Sarah Michelle Gellar, Freddie Prinze, Jr., and Linda Cardellini.
(Click Photo For Scooby-Doo Website) TM and © 2002 Warner Bros.
SCOOBY: 'rAt's 'right!
SLICE: Oh, jesus.
PILGRIM: Meantime, we do have some good news to share from the experience. We picked up 2 new players from the expansion pool: Ken Begasse, who made some dazzling plays in right-center field, and saved a bunch of runs; and our own Paolo, who shored up the defense in Rod-Man's absence in left-center, and who, by the way, has a GUN! for an arm out there.
IDIOT: Okay. What about the 2nd game?
PILGRIM: Second verse, same as the first...
SLICE: That bad?
PILGRIM: Worse, actually. We can't sing like Herman's Hermits.
IDIOT: And they can hit as good as you?
PILGRIM: You're not as dumb as you look. And they had a guy on the mound throwing heat.
BARNES: Heat? You mean fastballs?
PILGRIM: No, heat, you idiot, like from a vent. Yes, fastballs!
IDIOT: Wait, I'm Idiot.
PILGRIM: You've got that right, but I wouldn't go bragging about it. Anyway, this guy was throwing very fast. We couldn't get around very well on him; finally adjusted a little bit and scored some runs, but we also gave up a bunch. Still, Al did a serviceable job on the mound in the second game, and was getting the hang of it after a while.
SLICE: The score of that one?
PILGRIM: I think that one was 10-4 or so.
SCOOBY: 'rOuch!
PILGRIM: Shutup, Scooby. Don't you have some slippers to find?
IDIOT: So, a bummer complete.
PILGRIM: You have a way with words. (Don't give up your day job.)