3:30pm: You Win Some, You Lose Some...
Slice and Dog at the bottom of the dale defining the 11th fairway, as Barnes approaches, looking distraught.
SLICE: Barnes, you don't look very well, what's the matter.
BARNES: I'll tell you what's the matter; last two regular season games and we've got five guys there, ready to play a double-header against all odds. Luckily Shorty showed at the last minute, turns out he had to make a pit stop and drain his oil.
SLICE: That so.
BARNES: Apparently so. In any event, now we've got the requisite six guys, and we go up 6-0 on a nice deflected grab by the only one of our guys with any real football pedigree.
SLICE: Is that right, which guy is that?
BARNES: Remember Max McGee, the guy who caught like 7 balls and 2 touchdowns in Stupid Bowl I for the Packers against the Chiefs, after breaking curfew and staying out all night til 7:30am the morning of the game. Well this guy's his grand-nephew's elevator operator's ex- cell-mate, name of Mullet McGee. My big brother Barnes Barnett tipped a ball in the end-zone and Mullet McGee stuck up a hand and it stuck, just like his namesake in that Stupid Bowl. Amazing.
SLICE: So, what's the problem.
BARNES: Problem? The problem is the extra-point. We run our usual extra point play and the guy with the long hair is open in the corner of the end zone. Our QB Germy throws a perfect strike to him, hits him in the numbers, and the guy drops it!
SLICE: Who, Mullet McGee?
BARNES: No, not Mullet, the other guy with long hair, the old guy with the pony tail!
DOG: Arf!
SLICE: Well, what's his problem.
BARNES: I don't know, he dropped a couple today, must be he got plenty of sleep and he's been on the wagon too long. Usually he's okay, you know. Must be he needs a drink.
Idiot meanders over from the clubhouse, looking dejected.
SLICE: Boy, everybody looks sad today.
IDIOT: Well, we could have gone to seven and five, but we lost the first game and finished even at six and six.
SLICE: That's not so bad.
IDIOT: Well, we made the playoffs, anyway, but it would have been nice to win them both. Isn't somebody going to tell that guy we're not in the 60's even if he is. A, his hair is longer than Methuselah's, and B, he's older than Methuselah.
SLICE: Can't you do anything about that old guy with the pony tail?
BARNES: Nah, it's his football.
SLICE: Shirley you can get another football.
BARNES: He would still show up; and don't call me surely.
SLICE: Well, if I say it tentatively you might not catch my meaning.
BARNES: Hey, we're talking about the old guy, I can catch just fine.
SLICE: Well, I can take up a petition right here if you like.
BARNES: You won't get away with it.
SLICE: Why on earth not?
BARNES: It's his website, he'll write you out of the script.
SLICE: I see your point. Let's stay with that guy, he's gonna help us down the road, here.
BARNES: Yes, Barnes.
SLICE: Er, you're Barnes.
BARNES: Well, I'm blind, I can't see who the hell is who, you know.
-CURTAIN-
Heard from off stage:
SLICE: Ever notice, Barnes, you never see Pilgrim and Idiot together at the same time?
BARNES: Yo, Slice, I'm blind over here, I never see anyone together with anyone at the same time or any other time, Barnes.
SLICE: Still, it raises intriguing possibilities.
BARNES: Well, I always just assumed he was an idiot. I mean, it seemed rather obvious...