9:00pm: Don't Mess With My Holiday
One of my strictest rules is never to discuss politics or religion, and I never break this rule. Which is a good thing, since this weekend finds various religious groups celebrating Easter and Passover. Since I am areligious, the only holiday I will be celebrating this weekend is BYE, a traditional celebration observed only by strict practicioners of the Touch Football sect of Saturday Morning Scrubs (the Saints are in the Sunday league). It is a longstanding tradition, time-honored and revered, and represents the hallowed observance of the Bye week, which for the unconfirmed, uninitiated or uncaring means we get the week off, no game, no early to bed/early to rise; no meeting at Mo's at 9:15 a.m. for the shuttle-S.U.V. out to Randall's Island to run, jump, skid, slide, guffaw, flounder and flail in the mud and wind and cold. A Bye week, a week with no game, a day off, a day of rest, to reflect upon the bodily harm we will not incur this weekend. Bye is a true sportsman's holiday, and I will celebrate it with the vigor, respect, and tradition it deserves. But I am a little worried about the example the pros are setting out there for us amateurs.
Please note that as we observe our annual celebration of Bye we will not be nailing anyone to a cross or detonating 40 lbs. of C4 worn about our personal torsos in an attempt to maim, mutilate, penalize, forfeit or otherwise invalidate the life expectancies or gridiron prowess of those players who do not likewise celebrate a Bye week. I figure everyone's entitled to their own beliefs; if they don't get a Bye then that's fine, more beer and $1 tacos (the longstanding, traditional Bye fare) for us. [Well, for my teammates, actually, who know that Red Bull is the strongest thing I've been drinking lately, and that one $1 taco is my limit, but I will consume said energy beverage and power pita with gusto, people, and without Byas, rankor, disfavor, or prejudice against any individual who does not likewise observe the traditional celebration of Bye.]
I do worry about the others out there, those who may not be celebrating a Bye this weekend; those who don't believe in Bye, who play football each and every weekend, and who can not or will not celebrate this restive holiday with the restive of us. I worry they may be lurking in the shadows, sulking in the corners of bars where we hold our Bye celebrations. Maybe they will they strap $1 tacos to their personal torsos, pour beer over their heads and converge upon us, catching us off-guard as we hoist our frothy mugs. Perhaps they will smother us with hugs, crushing $1 tacos to our personal bodies and soaking us with flat beer? It could happen, people, there are football fanatics out there. And the rest of the world is not exactly setting a sterling example, you will admit, but I never discuss politics or religion so you ain't heard this from me. All I can say is that we ought to learn to live and let live. Celebrate our traditions and let others celebrate theirs. If the rest of football feifdom doesn't suffer us our Byes then all the rules are gonna change, and all bets are off. No more touch football in that case...we'll be playing tackle the next time we meet. And then what, an all out war? Foodfight at the fifty-yard line? We'll be heaving $1 tacos across the field at each other before the coin toss and kickoff. Hey, it's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. But with our luck it will be one of the refs, and in this league we need all the help we can get.
Posted by cronish at March 29, 2002 10:27 PM